That Can NOT Be The Geek
by DeanBeans13
Summary: It was a sad sad sight that walked into their class that Monday morning. Sanji had no idea what to make of the enigma. Why the hell didn't the transfer student at least try to look presentable. Zoro/Sanji Yaoi M for TieDye socks with plaid pants.


I really, really wanted Zoro to be a nerd. I thought it would be absolutely hilarious.

**Disclaimer**: This is a DeanBeans ZoroxSanji production of massive proportions. The characters and the original stories I unfortunately do not own but I'm working on that (along with every other fanfic writer but whatevs I like the competition).

If you don't like then…*drops head* I'm sorry. Review and tell me why. No flames please. If you have enough time to flame then you have enough time to get a life that's productive.

Onwards on a new adventure!

* * *

"Good morning class."

The math teacher walked into the classroom happier than on any other day and immediately the class was immediately on the defensive. Whatever put their stoic, pain in the ass teacher in a good mood was probably going to be bad for them.

The man always complained about his students. Continuously going on and on about how he deserved a more worthy group of students who didn't sit on their extremely cushioned asses (Do you see the veiled reference to their weights? They weren't even fat!).

Everyday the poor students had to go through more than their fair share of insults since their math teacher swore they all were the stupidest bunch of students he had ever seen…which they weren't. Actually they were collectively one of the smartest groups among the second years but the asshole wasn't one for paying attention to technicalities. As long as all of them weren't' averaging 95's and above in his class they were idiots.

"Settle down. Class is about to start you nincompoops. But before I commence with the nearly impossible task of implanting common sense and higher level thinking into your brains, I would like to introduce our new transfer student."

The teacher was practically bubbling with joy as he continued to berate his class while simultaneously praising the transfer student. What in the hell did he see in the transfer student to make him that excited? The class watched on with mild disgust and distaste as their teacher practically wiggled in place.

"Even though the transfer exam is extremely difficult, he passed with a perfect grade. That means he can tutor you pathetic amoebas to at least become wood louses(1) by the end of the year. Please be nice and welcome him."

The teacher was now erupting with excitement with a flow as strong and as hot as a river of lava… and it was the single most disturbing thing the class had seen in a while.

"You can come in now Roronoa Zoro."

Sanji shivered at the blatant display of something so disgusting coming from their teacher and turned to the beautiful redhead beside him looking just as disgusted as he was.

"Nami-swan, this new transfer student sounds like a true nerd."

"I know. Especially if Akainu-Sensei likes him."

Nami scrunched up her nose and shook her head. Sanji practically melted from such an adorable expression on his angel's face. She really could pull off any look while looking the perfect picture of perfection. It always warmed his heart.

The transfer student walked into the classroom and the class froze. The nerd hadn't disappointed the blonde's and the redhead's expectations at all. More like grabbed their expectations threw them down and went at them with a chainsaw.

What walked into the room couldn't or shouldn't be categorized as anything other than pathetic. How Akainu-sensei thought that this was the apparent savior to their class he had no idea. Didn't he hate things, no sorry, people like this? People who were completely sloppy and frankly absolutely pitiable?

The uniform complete with the red jacket, white shirt, red tie and black and red plaid pants were all wrinkled to the point where Sanji truly doubted whether an iron would be able to deal with those third degree wrinkles.

How the hell do you even wrinkle a tie that much? His jacket was too big even though the guy was over 6ft tall with an arm span to match. The white shirt was also too big, half tucked and as equally rumpled. His black tie hanged precariously around his neck, looking like it would fall off at any moment.

Those pants, oh God those pants. Those things were so short it looked like the abomination was expecting a flood at any moment. No forget the flood. Those pants were tsunami worthy highwaters. Sanji was pretty sure those things could go in the Guiness Book of World Record for the highest highwaters EVER. They practically became capris. The shoes were black, simple, a small check of approval.

Oh, But his socks. The red and black matched his pants but Sanji couldn't figure out why in the name of everything having to do with pirates and fair ladies was he wearing polka-dots with plaid pants. _Why?_ Go with a fucking solid color, dammit!Ah Sanji's eyes burned!

Add to that the shaggy, unkempt black hair that looked like it hadn't been combed in _months_ and the ridiculously large and thick glasses (vintage 1963) and you get the incredibly sad picture standing in the front of the room.

And why the hell did he not at least try to look presentable on his first day?

Sanji shook his head. What a sad, sad boy. Nami looked appalled.

Pluses? He was tall and had a nice tan complexion that reminded Sanji of light caramel. But all in all, the blonde teen really couldn't help scrunching his nose in disgust at this new transfer. He turned to his beautiful redhead, to see the look of pure disgusted shock mirrored on her face.

Sanji would have laughed if the expression appeared on any other face. But it was on Nami and it only further proved that she could wear any expression and still be the cutest thing he had ever seen. The blonde's silent musings were interrupted by the teacher everyone unintentionally dismissed due to the mind numbing shock that was Roronoa Zoro.

"Go on and introduce yourself."

The boy nodded that perfectly matted head and turned to the blackboard to right his name down. He turned around and spoke.

"My name is Roronoa Zoro. I'm just coming back from studying abroad in California. I move around a lot because of my dad's job. I like anime, manga, kendo, and naps. Please take care of me."

The class was effectively stunned. What the fuck was a voice like _that _coming from…_that_? The voice was just down right sexy. Deep and sensual It wrapped around and invaded the senses like a delicious scent of incense and flowed smoothly over all the students like a chocolate fondue fountain filled with rich, creamy, milk chocolate. It grabbed the attention of everyone. Hell it even had Sanji dropping his jaw. It made no sense. Talk about another shock to the senses. To bad that voice couldn't' give that sad picture a makeover.

"Okay. Black-kun, Please raise your hand. Do you see the seat that's behind him? Please sit there. Hmm that's weird. Doesn't someone usually sit there? Oh well please sit down. Class, you can ask Roronoa-kun any other questions at lunch."

Zoro raised his eyebrow at the last statement from the teacher but decided to shrug it off to move towards his blondee classmate. Barely had he reached his seat, when everyone present in the room started hearing strange sounds coming from a distance.

"OOOOOORRRROOOO"

Sanji looked up in time to see the panicked look on the transfer student's face as he remained as frozen as a statue in the aisle next to Sanji's desk. Well as much as you could see panic on a face that was half covered by bottlecap glasses. It puzzled him. What in the world could be so frightening? And what was that infernal racket? The blonde took one more look at the transfer hoping to be given a clue.

The teenager looked his new classmate up and down and then grimaced at the atrocity that was his uniform. It really was a hazard on the eyes. Maybe the uniform was the reason for the ridiculous noise. Did he already have bullies?

The class could hear the screaming and an animal-like stampede steadily getting closer…

"Shit!"

The transfer student was now looking for ways to escape the classroom as if his life depended on it when the next scream permeated the air. It very well might have, with the stampede occurring outside in the hallways. His heart started to pump loudly in his ears as he started to sweat. His palms were creating enough moisture to water a plant by now. In this scream you could hear a name. Really the class thought they had received enough shocks for the morning couldn't they get a break.

"ZOOOOOOORRRRROOOOOOO!"

It sounded like two people yelling but countless others stampeding. A couple scuffle sounds coming from outside the door.

"Shit! Shit!"

Oh, the stress was not good for Zoro's heart. He needed to find a way out. Maybe the stampeding idiots would calm down while Zoro was on the run and not maul him as soon as they see his face. Those two weren't supposed to find him yet and he had a good feeling it was most likely Shanks's fault. _I'll get you back Shanks._

The transfer whipped his head around to the door in the front of the room in time to see two raven heads, both with hats strapped around their necks, burst into the room. They crash landed on the floor in a heap of tangled limbs before gathering themselves. Both quickly jumped up and eyed the room searching as if they didn't find what they were looking for they would be thrown in front of the Yakuza and sold off to the highest bidder. Maybe they would. Who knows? But the class was once again in shock to find their two idols fall through their classroom door.

The boys continued to scan until…Bingo! Target found. Lock on. Sogeking would be impressed. With one teary pair of eyes and one extremely perverted pair of eyes staring at their goal, the brothers steadily inched forward as predators would do to their unsuspecting prey.

Aka Zoro.

"Oh Shit! Um hey guys long time no see. NO! Stop moving closer. We can just talk this through."

The two boys stopped momentarily before once again prowling forward with a predatory glint to continue their hunt. Zoro panicked. He would never ever ever admit to something as panicking, but it was the only way to describe the cold sweat now present on his brow.

"Wait! Let's keep this civilized and get some oooof!"

Zoro never got to finish that sentence. With one last battle cry of "Zoro!" the younger looking raven attached himself to Zoro's torso with his legs wrapped around the other's waist like rubber. The older of the two raven-heads decided that it was his cue to attack and tackled them both to the ground.

"Dammit, you too Ace?"

Zoro called from under the dog pile of human bodies obviously not happy with the situation.

"I was expecting this from Luffy, but you?"

"Aaaw. No fair. I missed you too."

Ace had that typical sly grin on his face that told Zoro this asshole was about to do something he wasn't supposed to…

"Okay you two need to get off now."

"ZOOORROO!"

Luffy seemed way to happy at the moment to create any coherent thought. Zoro sighed and pat the boy on the head in an attempt to console him. Really, he wasn't all that good with this mushy stuff.

"All right already. I'm back now, so stop crying and rubbing your snot all over me. I'm not going anywhere."

_Great I just got here and these walking headaches already found me. Dammit Shanks. Asshole manager…_ Zoro tried but really couldn't help the small smile that found its way onto his face. Luffy calmed some to look into his long lost friend's eyes to see if he was lying.

"Hey don't get in your own little world and forget me. I want some attention too you know!"

Ace pouted. He was still lying uncomfortably on both of them and was refusing to move with his face so close to Zoro he could practically count the freckles on Ace's cheeks.

"Geez. Hi Ace. Long time no see. Now get the fuck off so I can get back up!"

Ace pouted more at the mechanical greeting. It just wasn't fair that Luffy always got the good part and he was going to find a way to fix that. Zoro gave one glance at the expression on Ace's face and the foreboding feeling was back: trouble was afoot.

The older brother not so gently shoved his younger brother from in between him and his target and slid into the unsuspecting transfer student's lap. Before Zoro could react, Ace pushed his face close and crashed his lips into the man below him.

_WHAT THE FUCK!_

The class gawked. All brain processes temporarily shut down. Now they had really become the amoebas their sensei found necessary to call them.

Everyone and everyone's mother knew the two ravens who tackled the geeky transfer. Portgas D. Ace and Monkey D. Luffy were two of the most popular kids in school. Even though they only transferred a month ago, they already had the whole student population in the palm of their hands: Ace for his sexiness and slight promiscuity and Luffy for his childish innocence and strangely magnetic qualities. They both had the sunniest personalities on this side of the planet and the most convincing puppy dogfaces that could make even the hardened science teacher Captain Smoker (they call him Captain since he was once in the Navy Seals) give in…though he would never admit it.

Not only were they popular, they were also successful up and coming models working for the famous Grandline modeling agency or GMA after leaving the small East Blue agency. Their face and body shots could be seen everywhere from the wallets and key chains of teenage girls to billboards to recently stolen posters in the subway. They were on the rise and only getting more famous by the minute.

Sexuality? Well as far as anyone knows Luffy is an enigma with as much sexuality as ball of rubber. No one's heard of any sexual adventures surrounding the younger brother…more like it would seem weird to hear anything about the innocent Luffy. As for Ace, he was a flaming bisexual; only the most delectable of the two genders would get a chance to test the rumors of his sexual prowess. Usually that would cause scandals left and right, but for Ace, it just added to his appeal. Not to mention Ace was sexy as all hell.

So you can imagine the hopelessly lost expressions of everyone in the room as one flaming, sexy as hell, bisexual older brother starts sucking the face off the raggedy looking transfer student with the ferocity of a hungry tiger.

"NO FAIR ACE! ZORO! I want a kiss too!"

_WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK! Luffy's gay?_

Poor class can't get a break heart stopping surprises today.

Zoro finally snapped back to reality, pushed Ace off of him and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his ridiculously long blazer. He glared at Ace for a few seconds turned to Luffy with a scowl on his face and gave both a good punch on the head, just to see if he could knock some stupid out of them.

Zoro growled. These two would be the death of him.

"What the fuck Ace. This is a classroom, My classroom. I have to study here for the year. What the hell are you trying to do?"

Ace put on his million-dollar smile and then gave a very convincing puppy pout. If it was anyone else they would have fell for its charm, but since it was Zoro…he still fell for the charm but damn if he showed it.

"Oh. Come on babe I missed you. The least you can do is give me my 'I'm home! Kiss.'"

"You just got it. Now leave."

This conversation was starting to get ridiculous…and why was Ace still in his lap?

"Eeeeh but I want another. One that you initiate." The older brother puckered his lips out in preparation for his kiss. What the hell? Were they middle schoolers?

"NOOO FAIIR. If Ace gets two, I want two too."

"Oh shut up Luffy. You're too much of a kid. You can't handle the big boy stuff yet."

Ace rolled his eyes at his little brother. The nerve of the kid trying to get a kiss from his Zoro. Only Ace deserved his kisses.

"WhAT! I'm a big boy!"

The boy then proceeded to pout like a big kid who couldn't get his way at Toys R Us. He turned watery, puppy eyes to the transfer hoping for Zoro to agree with him. Ace snorted.

"Sure you are kiddo."

As the two brother's continued to argue over who would get Zoro's kiss which, might I add, was never up for sale, auction, or discussion, Zoro felt that tell tale Oh So Infamous Twitch of his left eyebrow coming back after two long years of rest. He had finally got it to relax. But now that he was back within three miles of these two bubbling idiots, his eyebrows would be getting a lot of exercise once again.

"Ace."

Zoro growled. If these two didn't stop arguing over _his_ kiss, he was going to beat the ever-living shit out of them. The geek began to put out an intimidating aura to get the brothers' attention. It would be their first and only warning.

Sanji was, to say the least, very surprised. A little stunned and confused over the whole "Suddenly, Zoro is Ace's babe!" thing but mostly confused at the aura the dude was putting out. It was like "I can kill you and will kill you if you make me" type of aura. Not the type of aura you would find in a geek.

Since the blondee was sitting next to the whole fiasco happening on the floor, Sanji was able to get a healthy dose of the intimidation and he instinctively knew that this guy could do what he promised. That type of intimidation you couldn't just fake.

He looked over to Nami and saw that she had her hand covering her mouth eyes wide trying to figure out what in the living daylights was happening on the floor like every other student. Fortunately or unfortunately for that matter the class never got a chance to get over their original stupor.

Akainu-sensei, after getting over his initial shock (because even the hardest man would be surprised after that display) figured that the sexual molestation of his new favorite student had gone far enough. He slammed his hands down on his teacher's podium to get their attention.

"Portgas. Monkey. What the hell do you think you're doing to my pride and joy, the salvation to this dismal year, the solution to my prayers for a worthy student, the reason my class won't fail? Huh? Get to class! NOW!"

The class blinked and Zoro felt the beginnings of a chill start at the nape of his nape. That was…creepy. The two idiots didn't seem to notice this though.

"Aaaw. But…"

They started to whine together, throwing tantrums like three year olds. For now, they were allies and decided to double-team Akainu-sensei with their cuteness. Unfortunately for them, Akainu-sensei merely smirked. He was glad that he was one of the few completely immune to the ridiculous faces those boys would make and he would take great pleasure in letting them know that.

"NO buts. Now!"

The boy's shoulders slumped and they looked to Zoro, who looked at them as if they were the biggest idiots he has ever met…which was true. What the hell did they expect Zoro to do? Go against his sensei? Yeah right.

Ace was reluctant to rise from his warm spot in Zoro's lap (When did that happen again? Weren't he and Luffy still fighting earlier?), but he really had no choice now. Luffy was less than happy and looked like he was going to start crying again. The transfer student had to think quickly before they started bawling again and wouldn't let him go for the rest of the day. He sighed. Oh the rising headache.

"Look I'll see you guys at lunch. Both of you have the first lunch right?"

They nodded furiously looking ridiculously happy about seeing their friend for lunch. Zoro rolled his eyes but nodded.

"Good. I'll see y'all then. Now get to class."

The two smiled their blindingly bright smiles, threw themselves at the young man once more then left in a sprint as if they hadn't been there in the first place. The only evidence left of the strange occurrence were the 25 other students in the class frozen stiff like Michelangelo's David.

Zoro got up, sighed, dust himself off and sat down in his chair, fully aware of eyes from all directions burning holes into his body.

_Damn stupid brothers. I was not supposed to draw attention to myself. Freaking Ace should know better._

"Alright class I know you guys are fools but that doesn't mean I will stop teaching you in the hopes that you will finally fill your brains with things other than what nail polish you would like to wear today. Open your books to page 25…"

No one was able to pay attention in class; the transfer continued to feel eyes on him for the rest of the class.

* * *

Aww poor Zoro can't get a break.

(1) Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro is about this demon who eats mysteries. He came to earth because he ran out of mysteries to eat and now runs a detective agency. He likes to call his subordinates (servants… no slaves is more like it) things like single-celled organisms and amoebas and what not. By the end of the anime (there is also a manga) the girl that he works with finally moved up on the evolutionary chain to a wood louse. I think she might have become a mouse in his eyes a little later in the manga.

Review Please and I'll give you a Baked Alaska with a slice of Vanilla bean cheesecake.

Now I want a vanilla bean cheesecake from Friday's. It's freaking delicious.


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